Changing Your Story
Using Your Thoughts, Behavior, and Words to Create a New Reality
When I was working through my eating disorder recovery, I became aware of how powerful my thoughts and words are. I remember suddenly realizing how frequently my thoughts and words were focused on the negative, or on my challenges, or the things I was still struggling with.
I was in the habit of making lists of my problems, convinced that if I just focused on them enough and thought about them enough and talked about them enough, I would somehow know how to fix them. It was only when I started to realize how unproductive it is to focus on what you DON’T want that things really started to change for me.
When I first learned about the Law of Attraction, my mind was literally blown. No wonder I had been struggling for so long -- I was doing it completely wrong. I needed to shift my attention to what I want, and talk about success and ease and accomplishment. It wasn’t an easy transition, but when I finally started to do it, my recovery accelerated immediately.
It is absolutely true that what we put our attention on expands in our life. So many of us are entirely focused on our problems and the things we don’t like, so we just keep getting more of the same.
I remember the the first time I really asked myself what I DO want, I was paralyzed by fear. I had absolutely no clue. I had put so much of my energy into my problems that I had never even considered what the solution would look like. What did I really want out of life? What was I even working toward? My ability to create a vision for my future had been completely stifled by my obsession with fixing my body.
Writing my new story was a game changer for me. It wasn’t easy at first, but the more I shifted my focus to this ideal, fantastic, happy life I wanted, the clearer my vision became. And once I knew what I wanted, I was able to make actual progress working toward it.
The key for me was creating the vision of my ideal life, and then designing my thoughts, words, and actions around that vision. When you’re struggling with something, it is so tempting to think about it constantly. I couldn’t believe how many of my thoughts, words, and actions were centered around my inherent flaws, my shortcomings, and the things I needed to “fix.”
If you’re struggling with money, how many times a day do you think, talk, and act like you don’t have enough money? How often do you find yourself saying things like, “I can’t afford that,” or “How much is THAT going to cost?” or “How will we pay for that?”
If you’re struggling with your body image, don’t you think, speak, and act like you don’t love yourself? Don’t you constantly say self-deprecating things, frown at yourself in the mirror, and feel ashamed when someone accidentally touches that roll above the waist of your pants?
It’s easy to think that our thoughts and feelings will change once we fix the problem, but that’s the reverse of how it actually works. Your objective reality will change in response to your thoughts and feelings, so deliberately altering the way you think, talk, and behave is the first step to fixing your problems.
Create the vision of what you want (actually write the new story).
Talk, think, and act like it’s already true.
Watch it take shape.
So here’s what this process could look like:
Problem: I’m unhappy with my body.
Current Way of Dealing With It: Talk and think constantly about how you don’t like it. Criticize yourself, insult yourself, and focus on your “flaws.” Feel out of control around food and dread exercise (or use exercise to punish yourself).
Creating a New Vision: Write down what you life will look and feel like once you have resolved this problem. How will it feel to be comfortable in your body? What will change in your life once you’ve learned to respect and care for yourself? How will your demeanor, career, and relationships shift when you’ve mastered self acceptance?
Change Your Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions to Reflect the New Reality: Speak about loving yourself, think kind, compassionate thoughts, and behave as if you have deep and abiding self-respect. You talk about the parts of your body that you love, notice how strong and capable you are, and pamper yourself a bit so you feel great.
Watch Your Reality Changing: Your new words, actions, and thoughts gradually start changing the way you feel about yourself. You notice you feel safer, more loved, and less stressed. You find yourself willing to accept all your parts, and feel gratitude for your body working as well as it has to move you through life. You’re more motivated to take excellent care of yourself, and treat yourself with compassion and love. You struggle less with emotional eating, and find it easier to incorporate gentle movement into your routine.
Start shifting your attention to what you want, and I promise you that accomplishing your goals will get infinitely easier. Positive change comes from positive thoughts, actions, and words. That’s just how it works.
If you really feel stuck in a pattern of negative thinking, schedule a Clarity Session and I’ll help you get started creating the vision for your ideal life. We’ll talk about your current challenge, identify your goal, explore what’s standing in the way of reaching it, and create a plan for fixing it. You’ll get a clear outline, on paper, including your intention for change and a Daily Affirmation.