Get Out of the Way
When he sees people struggling, my husband always says, “They can’t get out of their own damn way.”
He is saying that we all sabotage ourselves.
That it’s our own limiting beliefs that keep us stuck.
That we hold ourselves back with unnecessary fear.
It’s what we believe about ourselves that creates our reality in the world. Because our physical lives reflect our thoughts and feelings, our circumstances are always confirming our deepest fears.
‘I think I’m not worthy so I keep myself small and never take risks and look how unsuccessful I am and how I’m constantly struggling. See? I was right.’
‘I think I’m too big and hideous and no one will ever love me so I protect myself with shyness and don’t take care of myself and now I look and feel awful and no one wants to date me. See? I was right.’
‘I think I’m not smart enough to make good money and don’t deserve to be secure so I only take menial jobs and barely get by with my minimum wage income. See? I was right.’
We spend so much time running around trying to change our external worlds, when in reality what needs to change is our internal belief system. Our subconscious beliefs are like a computer program running in the background, dictating everything we think, feel, and do. Figuring out what those beliefs are, and changing them, is the key to getting the life you want.
Yeah, I know...no one wants to hear that. We really want to believe that our problems will be solved if we can just do the thing: get more money, look different, buy that new car...whatever it is that we’ve decided will make us happy. But changing the external world without addressing the internal limitations is like sweeping the dust under the rug: it might look better for a short time, but the dirt is still there and will eventually make everything messy again.
If you believe you are not worthy of love unless your body looks a certain way, no level of thinness or beauty will overcome your lack of self-respect. You don’t need to look very far to find countless women in socially-acceptable bodies who hate themselves and think they need to lose weight (or get lip injections or butt implants or lipo on their love handles).
If you believe that you’re not the type of person who deserves the be wealthy, no amount of money will heal that wound. How many lottery winners or musicians or actors have you heard about who lost enormous quantities of money in a super short period of time? The money didn’t change their underlying beliefs, and they sabotaged themselves and returned to their familiar state of lack.
Do It In the Right Order
The next time you think something in your world needs to change in order for you to be happy, ask yourself what BELIEF needs to change first. Maybe you’ll come up with ideas like...
I don’t think it’s possible to be happy and financially secure, because as soon as my mom got remarried, we never had any money.
I don’t think I’m allowed to be happy in my current body, because I was always told that I’m too big and will never find a man.
I don’t think I’m able to make a good living, because we’ve always struggled financially and I can’t even imagine having a high-paying job.
I don’t think I’m capable of being successful, because my parents always said I was the pretty one and my sister was the smart one.
Now that I know what my limiting beliefs are, how do I change them?
Take Care of Yourself: Show yourself the love you want from others. Speak kindly to yourself, give yourself pep talks, wear clothes that fit well and make you feel good...do whatever it takes to feel your best and treat yourself with respect.
Reframe: Turn those limiting beliefs into affirmations and repeat them daily. “I’m worthy of having more than enough money.” “I deserve to be happy AND wealthy.” “I attract love and respect in my current body.”
Visualize: Get really clear on what you want, and take time to fantasize about having it. Let yourself get excited about it, and feel like you already have it. This is the fastest way to get aligned with what you want and start attracting it into your life.
It sucks to think that the problem is really you, right? But in reality, it’s actually super empowering. It means you have total control over everything that’s happening in your life. It’s not your boss or the government or the stock market dictating your happiness -- it’s something you can actually change! You can do something about it, starting right now!
What a relief.